With Every Passing Second comes a Second Chance

Forgiveness has been on my mind a lot lately. It could be the plethora of forgiveness themed songs I've been listening to courtesy of Relient K. Or it could be the fact that I've been pretty upset about things lately.

I'm 22 years old and I'd like to think pretty easy going about most things. Although everyone seems to think differently because I get told I need to relax, smile and have more fun... a lot. But irregardless, the forgiveness that I'm talking about it because I have had feelings of anger towards other individuals, and I have to keep telling myself to forgive them. When I look at their transgressions agaisnt me, I know I'm just being silly, it is not a big deal at all. So why? Why do I seem incapable of forgiving? More importantly, why do I let the little things get to me so much?

I came to a huge revelation. My anger is not at them. My anger is at me. It is not those who I perceive as wronging me who I am truly mad at. It's myself. And while I may be struggling to forgive those people who have done wrong to me. The one person I can never truly forgive, the one who I am hardest on is myself.

Who the hell am I? Seriously. Am I really that great that I have sinned so heavily that the price Christ paid on the Cross was not good enough for me? Am I so vain I think my sins are unforgivable. That I am the first one who has and the only one who ever will commit them.

I read an interesting piece once about the sign of peace. I'm not sure about other Chrisitan denominations or even other religions, but I know in the Catholic Church we offer the sign of peace to one another after reciting the Our Father at every Mass. And in the sign of peace something amazing happens. When we say, "Peace be with you," what we are saying is actually three things:
1) God, I forgive this person of all that they have done to cause me harm.
2) God, I want you to forgive this person and forget everything that they have done.
3) God, not only that, but I want you to give this person a life full of joy and blessings.

That's some powerful peace you're sending someone else's way. It when you think of the sign of peace is that, it really makes you think. To say that this person may have greviously transgressed agaisnt me, but God, I want you to forget everything about that and create plans for them to prosper. And God wants to do it. And He wants us to want to do that to others. We are called to live as He lives and He forgives. So should we.

But this isn't my problem. My problem is me. What I need is to offer myself a sign of peace. I need to say, "God, I forgive me for all that I've done to cause me harm. And I want you to forgive me and forget all that I've done. And I want you to give me a life full of joy and blessings." Because in all my sin. In all my wrong doing. I am still God's child. And I would not treat another child of God, another of my Brothers and Sisters and Christ as I treat myself.

The Golden Rule is to treat others as you yourself would want to be treated. But you must also treat yourself as you would treat others. We cannot degrade and hate ourselves because we are loved by He who is Love.

So remember, my dear friends, that you are special and beautiful and wonderful and created by a Father who loves you. And so am I. So to end this I'll leave you with some of those wonderful Relient K lyrics I was telling you about:

Don't give up it's not the end. There's hope for every fallen man.
Forgiveness can be given when you think it can
Because with every passing second comes a second chance.

God bless.

There's Always Time on My Mind

Older Chests by Damien Rice. I love this song. So I'll begin this one by sharing some of the lyrics to it:

Papa went to other lands
he found someone who understands
the ticking of the western's man need to cry.

He came back the other day,
some things in life may change, and other things
may stay the same, like time.

There's always time, so pass me by.
On my mind. I'll be fine, just give me time.

I feel like lately I've been obsessed with time. How much of it is left. What to do with it. Numbers and times seem to fly at me on a daily basis. 3 months. 13 weeks. 90 days. 2160 hours. This is the time I have left here in BGSU. And I feel like I have to live my entire life in this time. Why? What makes this such an obsession? Why do I feel like my life will ends upon graduating? It is possibly the most ridiculous thing in the world. Even typing it out right now makes me feel completely silly. And yet I cannot, for the life of me, shake this. Like there is this giant clock ticking above me, waiting to drop a giant guillotine blade upon my head. How odd.

I reflect on this, looking for meaning. Looking for direction. And it hits me. I'm comfortable. Too comfortable. As much as I dislike a number of things about where I am, it's comfortable. It's amazing how we would rather stay in a place we've grown weary of instead of move on to something new and uncomfortable. Because we fear what we do not known.

I spend a lot of my time giving others advice. Mostly because they ask for it. And one of the things I tend to ell people is sometimes to not be afraid to take a trip into the unknown. Yes it's scary, but it's worth it. And here I am not wanting to leave the comfort of this place where I am. And I dislike myself for not wanting to leave. To wanting to stay where I've come to know so well. And so I ask myself the one question I tend to ask others. What would I do if I wasn't afraid. I love this question. It really gets down to the core of what you want. What you desire. And there's a reason your heart desires something.

If I wasn't afraid I would leave. I would take off. Spread these wings of mine and fly.

I've been on edge of late. Very irritable as my friend tells me. And I think I've gotten to the root of it. I'm ready to leave. And I'm scared. I'm scared of leaving everything of I've come to know. More importantly, I'm scared of what may happen if I leave. The people I may lose out of my life. The friends I may leave behind. And I do not want to. But I have to trust that when I finally do, God will bless my path. I have to trust that He will guide my path.

So I have 129,600 minutes until I graduate. After that. Well, I have no idea, but I know that whatever it is, I'm not going to be afraid. And I'll be doing what God wants of me.