Man's Best Friend

About 4 months ago my younger brother called me with some bad news. His beloved friend and companion, Sir Reginald Fieldhouse, had been diagnosed with lymphoma, and he had two to three months to live. Today, on February 17, 2014, Reggie was laid to rest. Dog's a such fine creatures. They truly are man's best friend. And no dog I've ever known has exemplified that quite like Reggie. As I know his passing has been hard on my brother and his girlfriend, I've been praying much for them today, and reflecting on the life of such a loyal dog. And I'm amazed at how much they are able to teach us. And so here is what Reggie has truly helped me learn about myself, especially my faith life.

Reggie was a rescue dog. He was a dog at a shelter that some people snub their noses at because they cannot be as loveable as some purebred or pup. And yet my brother chose him and took him home and loved him. I am Reggie. I'm the rescue dog that has screwed up. I'm a little dirty and rough around the edges. And yet God has picked me. Our eyes met and He got really excited and said 'that one.' And took me home and put a little extra love in me and showed me that I am worthy of love. Some people would snub their noses at who I am, but God sees me in my mess and He loves me in spite of it all.

There was never a dog so friendly and loyal as Reggie. Whenever my brother would have to leave him at our parents' - he got Reggie while still in college and there were some rules about dogs living where he was - Reggie would always sit and wait by the door an extra long time. Sometimes, he was just going  out to get the mail, sometimes he was leaving for a few weeks. Waiting. Just waiting and hoping that my brother would walk back in it. During these times he might cozy up to another, typically anyone else who was home, but always returning to my brother the moment he walked into the door. There are times when we feel abandoned. Like God has walked out of the house and left us there. And sometimes if we just sit and wait He will walk right back in and we will be comforted again. Sometimes we'll have to wait awhile. But He is always walking back through that door. Always.

No matter who walked into the house or my brother's apartment, Reggie was there to offer a quick hello. Obviously if it was my brother, nothing could contain his joy. Jumping and wagging his bottom (he didn't really have much of a tail so his whole butt wagged) at seeing his master. If it wasn't my brother, he was still so excited to see them. He would say hello, give a little sniff and then run back to his master and sit right by him, as if claiming him. We always need to be just as quick to offer a warm greeting. Say hello and then go and sit at the Master's feet. Claiming God as our own and leading others to the Master of our house. And yet, when Reggie would travel to my brother, when he entered my brother's home, he would run right to his master excitedly. Oh that we would do the same when we enter a church. Running straight to God with gusto.

Finally, Reggie was rarely apart from my brother whenever he was around. If Reggie was in the same house as my brother, he would follow my brother everywhere. To the couch. The refrigerator. To bed. For walks. Where my brother was, Reggie was not far behind. Were it that we kept God so close in our lives. That wherever our Lord was, there we were. For some of us, that means merely stepping into a church to say hello. For some of us, God is calling us to walk among the poor, the broken, the hopeless. After all, you never know where you may find a rescue dog.

While, I'm sad to hear news of his passing, Reginald Fieldhouse was a hell of a dog, and I will have many fond memories of the little pup. So if you're keeping me in your prayers, remember my brother and his girlfriend as well when you read this. It's never easy to let go of a friend, especially not one as loyal.  And know of my prayers for you. Whether you're a purebred, brought home as a pup, a pound dog or a rescue pup, know that you are loved.

God bless.

Winter Winds

So I arrived back at the Hill early this morning at about 12:30a. I have just spent the past week in a small and absolutely gorgeous retreat center in West Virginia. The first philosophy class was there, along with the second philosophy class, on a preached retreat. As part of the retreat, the original plan was to go to the March for Life. Unfortunately, due to some weather, about 10 inches of snow, we elected to play it safe.

I could write and tell you about how awesome my retreat was. How the President-Rector of our humble, seminary preached to us first philosophers about the promises we will be making in five or six years during our deaconate and priestly ordinations. I could tell you about the slight disappointment of not going to the March for Life. I could tell you about the joy of running with two of my seminarian brothers in the slightly mountainous region of West Virginia. Or the beauty of the retreat center. I could tell you about the laughs and games and just all around good times that were had. I could tell you how on the way back I got to stop by Heinz Field in Pittsburgh and Steubenville and Columbus and see some good friends and enjoy car trips that were way too long.

I'm going to go ahead and ignore all of that though and elect to talk about something else. One theme that seem to permeate throughout the lectures and one reflection I kept coming back to. Commitment and our sinfulness. Fr. Denis mentioned, especially in his earlier talks, about us being a society that is becoming increasing more and more individualistic. How it's all about us and what we want to do. And we can be anything we want to be. Because of it, we feel like we need to keep our options open. Heaven forbid we commit to something and then we find out we're wrong. We see this so much today. People unable to stay with jobs. People unable to commit to a relationship. The divorce rate skyrocketing. Single parents as one bails because they don't want the commitment but needed to have sex. Seminaries and convents with low numbers and high turn over. We struggle to give up our freedom in our life. Or, rather, we struggle to give up the lie we convinced ourselves is freedom. In order to be free we believe we have to be able to do anything at anytime. If that's freedom, you can keep it. I'm working in myself to be able to know that true freedom sometimes means giving up freedom. True freedom is sacrifice. True freedom is commitment. When we are able to commit to something, whether it be a relationship, a marriage, a job, a vocation or what to have for dinner, we're able to find a much greater freedom. Not one in which we can do whatever we want, but one in which we can work to make ourselves the best versions of ourselves. We are more free to works towards a specific goal. Where we are able to make mistakes, but, of virtue of never being alone in our commitments, will be supported by those around us.

I think the biggest problem of committing to anything is our sinful nature. I don't often feel like I have deep profound moments with God or very beautiful prayers, but I know that He gave me possibly the most beautiful prayer I've ever prayed this past week. During one of the times we had Adoration available, I took the time to go and spend time with the Risen Lord. I realized as a knelt there that I, as a sinner, had absolutely no right to be in the chapel in front of Christ. And yet, how blessed are we, that He should call us worthy to be in His presence. We're all sinners. We all screw up. We all make mistakes. We all turn our backs to the God who loved us so much that He gave Himself as a pure and holy sacrifice that we might have life abundantly. And yet it is in that mess that He finds us and pulls us out and then does the most miraculous thing of all. He loves us. And He uses that mess that he found us in to make us better and teach the world about Him. It is in our sin, in our past, in our mistakes that God truly is able to touch the lives of people. If only we would commit to Him. To His love. Then, though that past may still be a cross to carry, we are not carrying it alone. And just as Christ's cross was used to lead a world to Love, so Christ can use our cross to do the same. If only we would let Him.

Know of my prayers for you all. And pray for me, as I need them. God bless.

Love in the time of Small Pox

Today I got to partake in a wonderful experience. I got to sit down and think hard about some complicated issues. I got to read up on an awesome former Pope of the Church. And I got to chill a lot. Thank God for Saturdays. But as part of my goals for the New Year, I want to write more.  So here I sit at 11:34pm Central time (12:34a EST) writing about life back at the seminary.

It's been a little more than a week since I got back to the Hill and so far so good. I have to admit, there has been a little bit of envy as during this J Term, which is essentially a shorter class condensed into two weeks, first philosophy has had a lot of reading and work to do, and the rest of the guys here seem to have it pretty easy. But the reading is all about Church fathers, doctors and mystics, so it's pretty interesting stuff to read. A classmate and I will give a presentation at the end of the week about Pope Paul VI.  For those of you who don't know much about Paul, I jokingly with my classmate called him the hipster pope today. He was talking about everything the Church has been saying before it was cool. Aside from bringing the close of the Second Vatican Council, he was the author of Humanae Vitae which many faithful Catholic now call prophetic in its ability to predict when the use of contraceptives has brought our society. He was the first pope to really push for ecumenism, or reaching out to build bridges with other faiths, he spoke about the need of universal health care and the dignity of the human person, and petitioned world leaders to end war. He was a pretty legit guy and it's interesting to go back and trace the steps he began and how they have come to fruition very much in our current Pope, Francis.

I got the chance to experience a short pilgrimage today. A short walk (though made more difficult by large hills) from the Holy Hill of the Archabbey of St. Meinrad, is the small church of Monte Cassino.  In 1871, there was a smallpox outbreak in the area of Southern Indiana. The outbreak began around Christmas, and so on January 5th, students and monks from St. Meinrad pilgrimaged to Monte Cassino for a Mass and began a novena. On the final day of the novena (nine days later) they made the pilgrimage again, praying a rosary on their journey. From that moment forward, not a single case of smallpox was discovered. Every year since, the seminary has made the pilgrimage in thanksgiving for the graces and healing received. It was really beautiful today to make that trip with a lot of brothers, praying a rosary as we went. To become a part of history, yes, but most importantly to give thanks to God for all the good things He has done for us and for this community.

The one think I'm noticing more and more, with myself especially, is we tend to get wrapped up in ourselves. In our opinions. In our idea of what's right and what's wrong. We got about acting like we have it all figured out and are this great source of knowing.  And the most important part of this, I believe, is being able to be open and listen others. To place ourselves outside ourselves for a moment and just love our neighbor. And, yes, sometimes that means telling our neighbor they are wrong when they are definitely wrong. Just as we are wrong about a lot of things, so are other people. But it also has to be done in such a way that they don't feel like we are attacking them. Christ said "Go forth and sin no more." He didn't focus on the sin, but he acknowledged it. And He called us to better.

So pray for me. I need them because I am a sinner. And I'll pray for you. That you, like me, may gain a better understanding of God's will in our own lives and in this world. And that we can stop focusing so much on all that is wrong and work on loving.

God bless.

Friday Night Lights

In a homily at a Latin Mass I attended earlier this morning, the priest said how we often pray for the "all the poor souls" in Purgatory, and, while, that's good, they're a heck of a lot closer to heaven then we are, so perhaps calling them poor is quite accurate. He also discussed how Purgatory is God putting back together the pieces of our life to perfection so that we may be made whole to enter in God's eternal glory.

I just thought I'd share that with you before I begin my latest update.

So I'm sitting here on a Friday night as November begins and I can't believe I've been at St. Meinrad for 2 months already. Though I feel like quite a bit has gone on since I last posted. Towards the beginning of the last month, one of my diocesan brothers discerned out of formation for the priesthood. This was a little bit of a shock because him and I were just starting to build a friendship. But I have to say, I am very happy that he heard the Lord's calling in his life and is striving to courageously live it out. Then a few weeks later, I found out that the Bishop of my diocese was being named the Archbishop of the Archdiocese of Hartford, CT. Again, sad to see Bishop Blair leave Toledo, but happy for Hartford and Bishop Blair's continued shepherding of his people as he obeys the will of our Holy Father, Pope Francis.

Seminary so far is going really well. Don't get me wrong, there are definitely struggles, but there's also a lot of people around to help you get through them and support you. The other day I was talking with a classmate of mine about trouble I was having with a certain professor and the way he taught our class. My classmate just looked at me when I got down talking and said, "Michael, that's not healthy. Go talk to the guy." So I did. Praise God that He placed people in my life courageous enough to call me out like that.

This past weekend the Director of Vocations for our Diocese came down. As this was my first experience with it, I was a little nervous going into it. But it was great. First, it was nice to see a face and get news about our Diocese. Secondly, we just chatted about how things are going. Thirdly, Cheesecake Factory. Yeah, we had a diocesan outing to the Cheesecake Factory in Louisville and it was delicious! Also, it was just an awesome time to build some fraternal bounding with the guys from my Diocese.

We had a lot of things going on here at the Hill since last I wrote. Our volleyball team went to a tournament and won! Our soccer team hosted a tournament in came to second with the final game coming down to a shootout, and retreat groups have been here almost every weekend. One of the best parts was last night though. For the feast of All Saints day, after we prayed night prayer together, we processed out from the chapel to the cemetery where the monks of the Archabbey who have passed are buried. There, we prayed for their souls and left candles atop their graves. It was really beautiful sight to see. As a seminarian brother of mine commented, "Our faith is not an easy thing to live by (and nor should it be), but it's a beautiful religion to die by." I hope to later share some pictures that were taken of last night to share the beauty.

I would like to close things off tonight with a reflection I had last week.

I was sitting in the chapel in front of the tabernacle before Mass feeling particularly guilty about some things because, well, I'm Catholic and that's what we do. But seriously, I was reflecting on the love of Christ and how He forgives me all my sins even before I commit them. And I was reflected how this is a truth I will never fully accept. My mind can literally never understand this because we only know the broken, human love we find on this earth. Even the greatest and best of human love will never fully understand or come close to how God loves us. And I think that's often why we don't trust Him. Because we can't understand that love and we know we rejected that love. In any human, the way we acted would cause a breach of trust, but God is so much more than that. So much more than the mistrust and conditional love, and that blows my mind. And it humbles me all the more.

I pray that this finds you all doing well. Know of my prayers for you each and every day. But, please, pray for me because, whether I am ordained a priest or not, I have a long way to go.

God bless,

Michael

The Journey Begins... or, you know, began.

So I had every intention of coming to seminary and starting a blog to help the faithful masses of readers keeps up with my life.

And by faithful masses I mean it's easy to type here and post I typed on Facebook than it is to write and send 500 letters every month. I love you all, but I don't have that much time.

Anyways, I've been here at St. Meinrad for about the past month. I have to say, that overall, it's been pretty great. The first week we arrived was what is know as a spirituality week. Basically, we were busy all day with different topics involved to developing a strong spiritual life. Then at nights, we just kicked it and socialized. I would have to say that week was phenomenal just on allowing all us new guys, especially my classmates in Philosophy I to get to know each other a little better.

Speaking of, I'm considered a Philosophy I student. It's all actually really interesting and a lot fun. Though a lot of reading. Still, it's definitely causing me to think about my faith in a new way. Right now my classes are: Human Development and Christian Maturity, Ancient Philosophy, Logical Analysis and Ecclesiastical Latin. Latin is actually really fun to learn, thought quite difficult because it's a lot of memorization. Also, it's what's considered an inflective language, which means the ending of words change to reflect their grammatical usage. So all that crap we learned in grade school about past participles and objects of the preposition are now all of a sudden very important. Because of this, word order in a sentence is basically meaningless in Latin. Fun, right?

I've also been getting to know a lot of other guys here. One of the great things about St. Meinrad, or as it's sometimes called, the Holy Hill, is that we have about 50 out of our 160 students born in another country. We have men studying from Dioceses in Korea, some guys born in Africa, quite a few from Mexico, some from Brazil and one of my classmates is from Barbados. It's actually really awesome because we get a chance to experience different cultures right here on the Hill. For a real culture shock, take in to consideration this place is run by Benedictine monks. And they're awesome. For instance the rector is a HUGE Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings fan. He talks about Tolkien often. At the beginning of the year he had welcome party in his suite and you got to see a lot of replica Lord of the Rings weapons (Aragorn's sword, Sting, Gandalf's staff and Legolas' blades) and his replica Harry Potter wands. He also owns the Harry Potter books in Latin. Another one of the monks, my house dean, is a phenomenal homilist. He somehow brings in pop-culture references and makes them meaningful.

Another really awesome thing about being here is just the engagement. For those who don't know, formation to the priesthood is based around four pillars: intellectual, spiritual, human and pastoral. All seminaries strive to build on all four, obviously. The intellectual is easy with the classes and other lectures and such. Spiritual builds itself in as well, as we have daily communal times of prayer. Mass, Liturgy of the Hours, Confessions thrice a week, Eucharistic Exposition four times and some other things as well. Pastoral, we have ministerial assignments where we go and serve in communities nearby. And by nearby I mean up to about an hour and half away in Louisville, KY for some. Human, we're split into five houses (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John and Paul) and build time of prayer and camaraderie there.

However, also in the human aspect, is sports. We play a lot of sports. In any given week I will play volleyball, basketball and soccer. Tonight, I played street hockey. It's a blast. And everyone here is great. I don't necessarily mean at the sport, although some guys are really athletic, but we pray before and after every game. Most importantly, in my opinion, is that everyone is excited when someone does a good achievement in any given sport, whether they're on your team or not. The community is very uplifting here, and I feel blessed to be a part of it.

The uplifting goes for everything. Don't get me wrong, when someone notices a formation issue, as they are called, you will have people courageously approach about it. Although this typically comes from your House Dean, and you are called to improve on who you are. But everyone also builds you up when you do something well. Good grades or question in class, good job during a sport, doing well lecturing or cantering at Mass, whatever. It's amazing.

I can't say I don't miss home, but I know God has called me to be here and I'm working to place myself fully. One thing I can definitely say is that I have fallen more in love with the priesthood and am much more open to potential of God calling me to it, but ordination is still a long ways away and I'm just trying to listen to His voice for now.

Please know I am praying for each and everyone of you! I appreciate your love and support and send mine back. I will try and keep this more update!

God bless,

Michael

Two Lesbians Raised a Baby and This is what They Got

So the following video was found on facebook:
http://front.moveon.org/two-lesbians-raised-a-baby-and-this-is-what-they-got/
Alright, so I watched this video because it was posted by a number of my facebook friends and was a little disenheartened by it. I began thinking seriously why I was so bothered by this video and then it hit me. This is a very well educated, well spoken young man who was raised by two lesbians which means that, obviously, same sex couples are just as capable of raising children, right? Maybe, but that's not what bothers me. Through this young man's talk, there is an overtone that I ignored completely through my first viewing. In his case, men are apparently unnecessary. Think about it, his whole point is that he is successful, and well adjusted, and all with two mom's, so a woman can do just as a well as a man being a father.

Here are some problems with this:
1. It takes away the God given uniqueness that we have as male and female. We are different. There is no way to get around it. That doesn't make one bother than the other, just different. Think of it like this, 2+2 = 4. So does 3 + 1. These are different statements but the same equality. Yet according to this young man, it doesn't matter. Two dads, two moms, a mom and a dad. It's all the same. Yet we're told something very different in the Bible: "God created man [humanity] in his image; in the diving image He created them; male and female he created them." Gen. 1:27 (bold and brackets added).
We have a uniqueness, an no woman can fulfill certain roles that are meant for man, such as being a father, and no man can fulfill certain roles meant for woman, such as being a mother. Aside from the faith, biologically, this is an impossiblity. But here's the kicker...

2. I think that both the young man and the mothers, as least subconsciously, know that a male presence in necessary in the growth and development of a child. What evidence to I have of that? Straight from this young man's mouth. He boasts, proudly, of being an Eagle Scout. Now, I know a few peole who are Eagle Scouts, and they are proud of it. As one who left the Boy Scouts before getting know, I know why. It is an accomplishment that is difficult to achieve and requires a lot discipline and dedication to service of your community and to God. Anyone who achieves should speak proudly of their achievemnt. But my question is this, why was he even in Boy Scouts? I believe that, even if it was at a subconscious level, both this young man and his mothers knew he would need good male role models to help teach and guide him in what it means to be a man. No woman could ever be this guide through manhood adequately because she doesn't know what it means to be man. And how fortunate it was that this young man was able to become so involved in an organization that was able to guide him this way!

3. This is a well adjusted and successful young man. But what about his father? What about his sister? "Thankfully" both this young man and his sister were conceived in their mother through IVF (invitro ferlization) by the same anonymous donor. Yet all that is know of the father is he is an anonymous donor. Holy crap, I hear constantly how men need to step up and be men by we applaud this unknown person just giving up some sperm and shirking off any and all responisbility for his actions. How is that manly? How is that teaching our children to take responsibility for their actions? And does this young man's sister have a man in her life to teach her what love is in an unconditional and nonsexual way. Does she know of her intrinsic dignity and beauty without having to sexualize herself?

I am not saying that these two lesbian woman are horrible parents and have forever scarred their children. Not at all. What I am saying is that this video only proves that we have a young, well adjusted, successful man who happens to have two mothers. I think it opens up a few things that do need to be discussed. I think there are deeper issues here than whether or not two women can raise kids. I think we really need to look at specific gender roles (and yes, it's okay to have gender roles), and a man's role and responisbility in the development of his children.

But these are just my thoughts. What are yours?

Perfectly Lonely

It has been quite some time since I sat and wrote, but here we go again!

There is a song by John Mayer called "Perfectly Lonely." Essentially, it is about how his life is fantastic because he doesn't have a significant other and can do whatever the heck he wants.

I am not like John Mayer in this sense. I am, however, I think perfectly lonely. About 10 months ago I left everything I knew in Sandusky and moved up to Perrysburg for my new job in Maumee. As a youth minister, I plugged into my parish and have slowly been getting to know new people and families here. However, the one thing I discovered is that, even though I'm 20 minutes north or south of a college campus, the number of young adults my age is minimal. As a side note, I feel very weird calling myself a young adult, I still feel like a kid sometimes.

Anyways, I sometimes get caught up in this loneliness of not really having any close, personal friends to hang out with occassionally. Now mind you, I work most evenings and am trying to spend my time with my beautiful girlfriend on the weekends, but that still leaves me almost always being at work or at my apartment by myself. It's to the point where I value the time I spend with my teens and my Core team because at least I have other people around.

But as I often pray for God to help me find friends or help me from my lonliness, He helps me realize something: I am not alone. He is with me. Constantly there by my side providing my with all the love I could ever want. Now I often think, as I'm sure many do, that I cannot feel, see, hear or speak to God as I could another human being. And that's very true. But that doesn't neglect the fact that He is there with me. And when I actually take the time to shut off the computer, turn off the tv, put down the video games, close the fiction book I'm reading and mabye pick up a Bible, or the rosary, or a good spiritual read, or just sit in silence He speaks volumes.

I think it's the human condition for us to want other people around. We were not made to be alone! We were made to live in community of some sort. And I long for that and miss the time I had with my good friends in college. But I also believe that God is using this time in my life to teach me that no matter where I go, He is there. And no matter what, He is there to love me. To forgive me. To encourage me to go further.

So I am perfectly lonely. Because I belong to my Father. And even if I have no one else to talk to, He is always there with a listening ear. And I know that out of His love for me, if I'm patient He'll eventually give me some time where another person will be there with me, too.