Winter Winds

So I arrived back at the Hill early this morning at about 12:30a. I have just spent the past week in a small and absolutely gorgeous retreat center in West Virginia. The first philosophy class was there, along with the second philosophy class, on a preached retreat. As part of the retreat, the original plan was to go to the March for Life. Unfortunately, due to some weather, about 10 inches of snow, we elected to play it safe.

I could write and tell you about how awesome my retreat was. How the President-Rector of our humble, seminary preached to us first philosophers about the promises we will be making in five or six years during our deaconate and priestly ordinations. I could tell you about the slight disappointment of not going to the March for Life. I could tell you about the joy of running with two of my seminarian brothers in the slightly mountainous region of West Virginia. Or the beauty of the retreat center. I could tell you about the laughs and games and just all around good times that were had. I could tell you how on the way back I got to stop by Heinz Field in Pittsburgh and Steubenville and Columbus and see some good friends and enjoy car trips that were way too long.

I'm going to go ahead and ignore all of that though and elect to talk about something else. One theme that seem to permeate throughout the lectures and one reflection I kept coming back to. Commitment and our sinfulness. Fr. Denis mentioned, especially in his earlier talks, about us being a society that is becoming increasing more and more individualistic. How it's all about us and what we want to do. And we can be anything we want to be. Because of it, we feel like we need to keep our options open. Heaven forbid we commit to something and then we find out we're wrong. We see this so much today. People unable to stay with jobs. People unable to commit to a relationship. The divorce rate skyrocketing. Single parents as one bails because they don't want the commitment but needed to have sex. Seminaries and convents with low numbers and high turn over. We struggle to give up our freedom in our life. Or, rather, we struggle to give up the lie we convinced ourselves is freedom. In order to be free we believe we have to be able to do anything at anytime. If that's freedom, you can keep it. I'm working in myself to be able to know that true freedom sometimes means giving up freedom. True freedom is sacrifice. True freedom is commitment. When we are able to commit to something, whether it be a relationship, a marriage, a job, a vocation or what to have for dinner, we're able to find a much greater freedom. Not one in which we can do whatever we want, but one in which we can work to make ourselves the best versions of ourselves. We are more free to works towards a specific goal. Where we are able to make mistakes, but, of virtue of never being alone in our commitments, will be supported by those around us.

I think the biggest problem of committing to anything is our sinful nature. I don't often feel like I have deep profound moments with God or very beautiful prayers, but I know that He gave me possibly the most beautiful prayer I've ever prayed this past week. During one of the times we had Adoration available, I took the time to go and spend time with the Risen Lord. I realized as a knelt there that I, as a sinner, had absolutely no right to be in the chapel in front of Christ. And yet, how blessed are we, that He should call us worthy to be in His presence. We're all sinners. We all screw up. We all make mistakes. We all turn our backs to the God who loved us so much that He gave Himself as a pure and holy sacrifice that we might have life abundantly. And yet it is in that mess that He finds us and pulls us out and then does the most miraculous thing of all. He loves us. And He uses that mess that he found us in to make us better and teach the world about Him. It is in our sin, in our past, in our mistakes that God truly is able to touch the lives of people. If only we would commit to Him. To His love. Then, though that past may still be a cross to carry, we are not carrying it alone. And just as Christ's cross was used to lead a world to Love, so Christ can use our cross to do the same. If only we would let Him.

Know of my prayers for you all. And pray for me, as I need them. God bless.