The Insane Musings of a Twenty-Something Year Old Thinker

I hope this finds everyone doing paticularly well. I hope that this day has brought something to each of you that you consider a blessing. I hope that at some point today, there has been something that made you smile. I hope at one point today you have burst out in hopeless laughter.

I am a deep thinker. I have been since I can remember. My mind is always racing with some thought through my mind. And yet the best times in my life are those moments when I just completely let go of all that thinking and empty myself completely. I think it's because these are the times when I'm typically talking intimately with God, and I don't have to have any worries in this moments.

Anyways, my mind has been wandering a lot lately it seems. And I'm not sure where it's taking me. It's hard to explain. There has been so much on my mind that I cannot seem to focus on anything. And yet one theme, one thought keeps coming back to my mind. It's scary when a single thought is all you seem to be able to focus on. I just keep beginning to wonder what the immmensity of this thought is. Why cannot I not get it out of my mind? It is like a fire that consumes my every being and I am not sure how to extinguish it. And it seems that everything I see, everything I hear, seem to only fuel the flames. And how hot they seem to be.

And yet as I sit here on this Saturday night, or Sunday morning depending on how you look at it, I question if I want to extinguish this flame. Or do I just want to let it burn. It's a warm thought, a nice burn. Comforting in a way. But is it good for me? I do not know. But part of me feels like I need to rid myself of this burning. If I play with this fire for too long, I am certain to get burned. But how much is too much? I'm pretty sure this is the wrong question to ask. Yet I feel certain it is the one question we all ask ourselves about anything that can be good. How much is too much? How far is too far? When does it going from being something good, to be being something bad?

Perhaps I'm looking at this all wrong. Perhaps the question shouldn't be how much is too much, but rather how can what I'm doing bring God's greater glory? How can my thoughts bring about God's greater glory? It's a hefty task. To try everything I can to conform my mind, body and life to give praise and glory to my Lord in everything I do. And yet I try myself doing it. And how my faith lets me try this every day. And lets me try again when I fail. I feel sorry for those who see only this beautiful gift that God gives us in Himself as a list of rules. Of what we can and cannot do for some system of rewards versus punishment. That's not what our faith offers us. It offers us so much more. It offers us freedom. It offers us true love. It offers us a chance to being crazy and outrageous and nonconforming to the practices of this world. It offers us a chance to sing and dance and love like there is nothing holding us back. All we have to do is allow God to love us first.

And so as I sat here typing this, my mind became clear and I thougth of my Lord. And I thought of His love for me. And I then thought about you. And how I love you. And I again hope that this finds you well. And that whatever problems you have this day, that you know that if nothing else, you are loved. So I will pray for you and hope that the Lord blesses you greatly.